Transformers: The Album is a compilation album of various artists music from the 2007 live-action film. The soundtrack debuted at number 21 on the U.S.

Let’s see the Transformers: Dark of the Moon soundtrack here’s the track-listing Linkin Park Paramore My Chemical Romance Staind yup, all seems fine. No problems here whatsoever. Everything is absolutely a-okay wait what’s that I actually have to listen to it oh God oh my sweet Lord Optimus Prime have mercy on us all but mainly me.

Here then, dear friends, into the breach do I doth go, like. And who should I meet there, but Linkin Park. Yeah, no need for high-fives, fellas. Certainly not when you’re sounding a bit like Coldplay. Although if Iridescent and its football terrace choir are predictably bad, then Paramore’s Monster is, in contrast, a minor guilty pleasure – catchy, and with a decent vocal from Hayley Williams. The surprises don’t end there either: I last heard My Chemical Romance on a movie soundtrack butchering Bob Dylan in the service of Watchmen (not necessarily a worthless activity, especially if done literally), but their The Only Hope is nowhere near as bad as feared, being a pleasant enough pop-rocker, replete with characteristic MCR false ending. Things all go a bit Revenge of the Fallen (i.e.

Flippin’ terrible) from this juncture, with Taking Back Sunday’s offering, Faith, turning out to be a plodding shouter. And then enter Staind! As welcome as a punch in the face and twice as ubiquitous.

Their new track, The Bottom, sounds like the kind of thing that might play whilst a group of young men with black T-shirts, ponytails and various deodorant ‘issues’ paint some Skaven figurines in Games Workshop on a Saturday morning (incidentally, if you understood all that, go outside and get some sun. Art of Dying arrive next, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m maybe ten to fifteen years too old to appreciate anything about this album. By reading between the lines, I think it’s meant to be flaunting some hard-rockin’ attitude. Problem is it mostly sounds to me like a load of highly-polished twaddle enunciated by singers doing sat-on-the-lav-having-a-poo voices. Another new track – must we? We must – and it’s those old stagers, the Goo Good Dolls.

Their All That You Are turns out to be inoffensive radio pap; the perfect song to have on in the background as you think about teaching new Transformers leading lady, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a thing or two. Like the very basics of acting. “’Up and at them’?” pouts Rosie. Yes, yes, that’ll do.

Who cares if you are wooden as Pinocchio? Tonight is ours.

Ours, and your other boyfriend’s, the Stath’s. Just tell him to be gentle (blimey, has that Goo Goo Dolls song still not finished yet? Drags on like that Aerosmith number from Michael Bay’s Armageddon, it does). Time for Theory of a Deadman, who are not an act I’m overly familiar with but, judging from Head Above Water, they sound a little like Nickelback.

Which is generally considered to be as bad a thing as an evil race of alien space-robots crashing down to Earth and subjugating the entire human race. Black Veil Brides’ Set the World on Fire is not really worth getting into at all, so let’s not bother, bringing us onto Skillet, who are apparently ‘at war with the world’. I think I’m at war with the music world, mate.

Strings, guitars, shouting – I can’t take much more. Is it almost over? Overproduced, yes.

Over, not quite. The last track on the regular soundtrack is by Mastadon, and I don’t entirely dislike its slavish imitation of ’70s fuzz-rock.